May I?
So good.
Come on.
Thank you.
Yes. Okay.
Hey, let's look at this.
Okay. Oh!
Sit.
Sit. Sit.
Good girl.
Come on.
Bed.
Is that a good place for you?
Aah!
It's okay.
Come.
Get in there. Go on.
Get in your bed.
What is that?
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
The heck?
For the tiniest kinder
inside a kindling-cabin for old Abe Lincoln.
And...
Before the war,
people joked about cockroaches surviving a nuclear blast.
But they didn't merely survive.
They improved.
Enlarged thorax to ward off attack.
Extended antennae in order to hunt in packs.
Incisors to help ingest larger prey.
Such as yourself.
You should know better than to light a fire after dark.
Sir, I'm looking for my father.
He was, uh, kidnapped by this woman named Moldaver.
- Have you seen her? - Listen,
you need to go home, miss.
Vault dwellers are an endangered species here.
You come from a world of rules, of laws.
This place is indifferent to all of that.
I do not think you would be willing to do
what it takes to survive up here.
I'm not going back without my dad.
If you insist on staying,
then you will have to adapt.
Question is will you still want the same things...
when you have become
a different animal altogether?
Four, come.
Who are you?
My lord Titus.
I see you went with the tempered lining.
On the T-60.
Does that-that help with mobility?
Clean that.
Set us down.
I'm bored and I want to shoot something.
No, my lord, we were assigned to search a town called Filly.
We're still miles from...
Oh, God. Oh...
Oh!
Fuck.
Look, my lord.
They were here. A man.
And a dog.
The target.
Yes, they were...
Fuck.
Go see if the target's in there.
But-but, my I-my lord, I-I don't have armor.
You earn the suit through acts of bravery.
This is an act of bravery.
But-but my lord, I...
An order, my squire.
Move.
See anything?
What's the problem, dipshit?
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck. Bear!
Holy shit.
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Oh, fuck!
No, no, no, no!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
No!
Whoa! Help!
Oh! Help!
Help me!
Oh! Shoot it!
Shoot it!
Fuck. Fuck.
Help.
Get this fucking thing off me.
Help.
Help me.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck. Fuck this sh...
Fuck!
Where were you?
Huh?
This fucking place.
There's always something
to ruin your fuckin' day.
This wasteland fucking sucks.
The clerics, too. With their bullshit.
Sending me on stupid missions
for remnants that turn out to be...
a fucking toaster oven.
You know what you could do with a fucking toaster oven?
Do you have any idea?
Get me a stimpak.
What the fuck are you doing, man?
Can you get me a fucking stimpak
instead of just standing there?
I'm asking you for a stimpak
and you're looking at me...
you're looking at me like you don't know what the fuck to do.
I got a two-ton
irradiated bear on my back,
and you're standing there...
You stupid motherfucker,
you know this is all your fault.
You know what they do to squires
that don't do their fucking job?
They string you up...
Maximus, by your, uh, lungs,
and they, uh, they hang you...
and let the vultures come get you.
That's what they're gonna do to you.
You got to be the worst fuckin' squire there is.
This is all your fault.
You dumb motherfucker, you.
Get me a stimpak.
Get me a stimpak!
I can't breathe.
It is a knight's duty
to better this fallen world.
You don't deserve that armor.
Oh, you think you do?
You fuck.
They'll kill you for this. You...
Not if I bring back the target.
You...
Work, damn you!
Hi, hello! Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Hi!
May I approach?
I ain't got weapons.
- Oh... - Or money.
It's okay, I just want to ask you for directions.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm-I'm a little lost.
Hi.
What's that you're working on?
It's meant to be a water filter.
No matter how much sand I put in it, I just get more sand.
Well, h… have you tried water
for the water filter?
You got water?
Oh, uh, would you like a sip?
Here.
Uh... sorry. Uh, s-sir,
I actually... I might...
I need that.
Yeah, me too.
Thank you.
Somebody hands you a bottle of clean water, you drink it.
Even if you're not thirsty, you drink it.
Much as you can, anyway.
Right.
Uh, you haven't happened to have seen
a group pass by with a prisoner, did you?
No.
You headed to Filly?
W-What's Filly?
A town.
It's over that hill.
Never been, myself.
You've never been over that hill?
Nah. It's too dangerous.
People get killed in Filly all the time.
That's where my daddy got killed, anyway.
Couple brothers, too.
Had a aunt as well.
She got killed there once.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh, thank you.
Sounds dangerous.
Or you just stay here.
Live with me.
Could use a family. It helps with all the work.
Uh...
I-I'm okay, but, uh,
thank you so much for the advice.
- I'm real sick. Think I'm dying. - Oh...
You wouldn't have to put up with me for too long.
This could all be yours!
I'm okay.
Uh, thank you.
You're a good person for not shooting me with that gun.
Oh, it was really no problem.
Bye!
Okay.
Wow.
Yes.
Yes!
Fuck yeah!
I was doing nothing wrong!
- No! - That's right.
No, stop hitting me!
I'm gonna fucking kill you, you son of a bitch.
You fucking hear me?
Unhand me, you fascist! No!
- I'm gonna fucking murder you. - No!
I'm gonna throttle your fuckin' ass!
- Unhand him. - That's gonna be it.
This is the end of your fuckin' days...
I said unhand him.
Oh. Oh…
Ooh. Ooh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh! Oh!
How the tables turn!
Thank you, Mr. Metal Man.
Much obliged to you.
And as for you, you stupid rube...
Not the first time I've been persecuted
for my scientific curiosity.
Ah.
Have a really bad day, sir. Toodles.
You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.
You should be commended.
Oh!
I'm sorry, okay?
Don't-don't murder me.
It's just...
The guy was fucking my chickens.
Okay.
On your way, citizen.
Mm.
Hello there.
My name is...
Everything you need to get by in the Wasteland.
We got genuine, undiluted...
- Excuse me. - This a good one, this a good one.
- This'll keep 'em away. - No, thank you.
Dog meat!
Fresh iguana.
Can I interest you in some iguana?
Oh, uh... I'm okay, thank you.
Um, have you seen this man?
Dog meat!
Oh, uh, I'm okay, thank you.
Goddamn maggot!
Oh, sorry.
Uh... hi there.
I noticed that you have an assortment of Vault-Tec equipment.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, well, because these items
technically belong to Vault-Tec...
it would be safe to assume that you do business with criminals.
Not judging you.
Don't imagine there's that many other options up here.
But I'm actually looking for one criminal in particular.
Holy shit.
You're an actual vault dweller.
I am.
I thought all you sardine-fucking dipshits were dead. Barv!
- Get in here. You got to see this. - Um,
ma'am, the raider I'm looking for is about five-foot-nine.
Barv.
- A woman in her 50s, I think. - Barv!
- Goes by the name of Moldaver. - Barv, get in here. You...
- Get back to your fucking room, Barv. - Eh.
I take it you know who she is.
Everyone knows who Moldaver is.
Get out of here, vault dweller.
Ma'am, this Moldaver broke into my vault,
took my dad, and-and killed...
And I'm telling you you're gonna go through a whole lot worse
if you stay around here. Trust me.
I can tell by looking at you.
Clean hair.
Nice teeth. Mm.
And all ten fingers.
Must be nice.
Well, I know that it can't have been easy for you up here,
what with all the murder and-and the dirt.
But the mission of the vaults should be important to everyone.
And why is that?
Well, uh...
Well, you see, the idea is, um...
that...
we're going to...
save America.
Ah!
And when exactly were you planning on saving America?
The vaults were nothing more
than a hole in the ground for rich folks to hide in
while the rest of the world burned.
We vault dwellers recognize,
uh, and are grateful for the privileged position we were born into,
- and... - You know what folks up here
say about the vaults?
What?
Fuck the vaults.
Mm-mm.
Okay, well, uh...
Thank you for your help, ma'am.
Okay, you can go in. Go on.
Go.
You again, miss.
Really think you should go home. You are not safe here.
That's what people keep telling me.
No one understands my situation.
You come from Vault 33.
Your primary crop is corn.
You have a Telesonic projector in your farm.
It loops images of the Nebraskan countryside.
You've been brought up in a meritocracy,
where people pride themselves on doing the right thing.
I think I know enough to know
you need to go home.
Who are you?
- And how do you know so much... - Hey.
You Wilzig?
Let's get you inside.
I told you to get the fuck out of here.
Wilzig.
Now, you wouldn't happen to be a doctor, would you?
'Cause I happen to be looking for one.
You know your kind ain't welcome here.
Well, maybe not.
But I'm gonna make myself welcome.
Now, last night a bounty came in through all six agencies.
A hefty price
on the head of a man that fits the description
of that fella right there.
Now, I may not know much,
but I do know a bidding war when I see one.
Maybe.
But I've been paid a whole lot of caps
to provide this man safe transport out of Filly.
Aah!
Change of plans, I guess.
I got a thousand bottle caps
for whoever kills that fucker!
But you don't get shit if I kill him first.
Damn, y'all done got me working up a appetite.
Well, I'd offer you one of these cherry tomatoes,
but you got a hole in your neck.
Mm.
Come on.
Ow! Aah!
For the tomatoes.
Wilzig.
No! No, please.
Wilzig.
I'm going to have to ask you to leave him alone.
Now, I acknowledge that I'm unfamiliar
with your circumstances.
But, at first glance, your treatment of this man appears unfair,
and I'm obliged to intervene.
Huh.
Now, if your instinct is to harm me,
as a person simply trying to deescalate a conflict,
then I'll have to assume, of the two of you,
you are likely the primary aggressor.
In which case,
I think everyone in this town would agree that force is justified.
Unless you willingly stand down now.
Fucking vault dwellers. Geez.
Huh.
Well, now, that is a very small drop
in a very, very large bucket of drugs.
She said stand down, Ghoul.
Knight Titus of the Brotherhood of Steel. Stand down
or be cut down.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
Ah...
Hi.
Listen, that man is important. I've been sent here to find him.
Get him inside and keep him there until I've dealt with the Ghoul.
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah.
Come on.
Oh...
Eh.
Well, I'd say come up here and get me, but it's hard
to walk upstairs when you're wearing a 12-piece cast-iron skillet set.
Gonna need a new foot, Barv!
Trying to eat my beans, but okay.
Aah! Aah!
God, God, God, God, God, God, God...
I can still make this trip.
You'll be lucky if you can make it to fucking breakfast.
The foot, Barv!
I'm looking for the foot.
We got a whole crate under the box with the defibrillators.
You keep moving things around without telling me.
I don't mean to interrupt, but...
was that a knight?
Barv!
Wasn't under the defibrillators. Just saying.
I'm sorry for yelling. Been shot in the leg.
Aw, eh, you'd yell at me either way.
Uh...
Holy moly.
She can take me.
If you think this little thing can haul your
limping ass across the Wasteland,
you may not be as smart as people say you are.
Do you have anyone else you can trust in this town?
Shit.
Hey, daddy's girl.
I need you to take this man here to my client.
Oh, uh, thank you, uh, but
I'm really only here to find my dad. Uh...
Besides, no offense, but you're in no condition to travel.
My client goes by the name of Lee Moldaver.
Now, you ain't getting near Moldaver
without something to bargain with,
and delivering this guy right here
is your best option.
Well, what does Moldaver want with you? I mean,
she steals dads!
Do you want your dad back or not, kid?
- Uh… - Huh?
I...
Gosh damn it, okay! Uh...
Now, here. This is where
you're gonna find Moldaver.
She and her kind hole up across the Shithole.
What's the Shithole?
Uh, well, just-just get to the coordinates.
You know, rads move pretty quick in and out through there,
so you're gonna need to move fast if you want to keep your skins.
All right. I can do this.
Yes. You can do this, sure, you can. You are
- a vault dweller, true to your word. - Mm-hmm.
This really...
this could…
may-maybe work.
You really mean that?
Go.
Go! Get out the back. Hurry!
Oh!
Goddamn, that hurt.
Oh, shit. Uh...
Well, I guess basic training ain't what it used to be.
'Cause you drive that thing like a fucking shopping cart.
Rule number one:
read the manual.
Whoa, whoa...
No, no, no!
Oh, no!
Aah!
Serums to energize.
Serums to invigorate.
Serums to heal your feet.
Serums for pain.
Foot-healing serums!
Serums that will make you grow an entire new foot.
Maybe.
Huh.
This will have to do.
It says here we have about 20 miles
left to go. How's your new...? Oh.
Oh, golly.
Holy moly.
I'm not going to make it.
Listen, I don't know who you are
or how you know the things that you do,
but you are going to get across that wasteland.
And we're gonna do it together.
Okay?
That's a promise.
No, you see, I've just taken a cyanide pill.
What?
Vault-Tec Plan D.
It was the most humane product that Vault-Tec ever made.
It was quick, painless.
T-Tasted like banana. I...
I was surprised it wasn't more popular.
People are going to come after you.
You'll need to move quickly.
You can change the future
if you can bring me to Moldaver.
But how am I gonna bring you if you're...
No, not-not my whole body.
Just my head.
- Here. - Pardon?
I took the pill
so that it would be less taxing for you to go through with it.
It'll be easier if you carry my head
instead of dragging my whole body.
You...
You're asking me to… just...
Please. I'm begging you.
And this is the only way to get your dad back.
I knew I could trust you.
You are a vault dweller.
But if you're going to survive up here...
you need to start acting like a surface dweller.
Okay... Ms. MacLean?
How do you know my name?
Sir?
Sir...
Okey dokey.